A pHASe oF liFE...

i have juz another 1 semester (6 months) to go and im thru..woahahahhaa
ill soon enrolled as a master of science chemistry student in upm after 2 years
of deadly struggling juz to finish on time (hopefully).i wud never want to
extend anymore longer of my study and somehow i juz had enough..
for now i presumed..and yes..i am a chemist wannabe..

I still remember the day when i decided to further my study up to this level,
while others of my frend were all eager to find job and earn some money.
contrary to that, i,myself was really damn sure, that i was not ready to get any
and i dont like to just sitting at home doing f**king nothing either.which then i
decided to pursue my study the moment i finished my undergraduate.
i was not sure weather i was "blessed" or "belessed twice", somehow i got
an offer from my former undergrad supervisor to do a research under her and
the project given more or less quite the same as my final undergrad project and
needless to say,kena study lagi detail la(master doww)..

At that time, i was so certain that is what i wanted to do.and i know i can do it.
i was so enthusiastic and passionate at first.I could still recall clearly, the
moment i entered the lab, i can feel the chill of excitation running through
my vein. As i touched my own spot just right there at the edge of the bench,
the smell of chemicals, the glassware, the labcoat and everything seemed very
close to me (im bad at describing things methaporically). First thought, i just
knew it was a right decision to be made.This is where i should belong..at least for now..

I have to admit, the starting was quite a challenge to me. I was on my own.
and i know everybody does when it comes to this stage where u need to think
and manage stuff by yourself. No one wud tell u what to do and what not, what
and how to buy things like chemicals especially. Though people may help u and
give advices when u need one, at the end of the day, u are the one who'll be
fully responsible for whatever decisions u've made. Thing was pretty messed
up at first where at some point i felt exhausted and giving up. However,when
i looked back,and i realized it juz a phase of life, a difficult phase which each
of human being lived will be facing with before u finally find ur way to
happiness.Thus, im still holding on till today hoping that my hardwork will be
repaid someday.

Then,things started to went well, i adapted,new stuff,new environment,new
knowledges,everything that comes in package. The more i got involved
with this research life, the more i discovered that science is important and its
everywhere. All the theories and principles raised by the geniuse and brilliant
peeps back then,upon my realization of ignorance,they finally applied.
Eventually, the more i discover, the more i find how ignorant myself are.
How small,tiny and stupid i was to just not explore and experience god's
wonders in this world and yet brag so much about the little think Ive known.
From the smallest thing to the largest thing in the world. Its good to learn.
Well,to me, that is life all about. Life is a journey that acquires ourselves
to choose the color of our live to make it as wonderful and colorful as we
hope it could be. Each of the color has their own story to tell.and ive chose mine.

I know, the experiences ive gone through in life is not even a quater cater what
does life meant or defined.yet im far from it.too far.i get scared oftenly to just
thinking what may i become in future,and thats life.people do that all the time
which exactly what im feeling right now.scared,unconfident,eager,excited all
mix up in one.im scared because i have no idea what ill be confronting next
and afraid of drifting away.unconfident because i feel that myself is not well
occupied upon entering another phase of my life.eager because cant wait to
finish my studies and move on.excited because im hoping that everything
planned is going to be well and smooth.though it smtimes diverge but i always
pray for it still.

so for now, im in the stage of writing up where i finally managed to put a stop
on my research, summarized and compiled everything in one bloody
f**king hard cover book called THESIS. and i find it very difficult to focus on
compared while doing my labwork. thou it was tiring, but it is more virtual and
hands on. i seldom seldomly fallen asleep as compared during my writing up.
i sleep a lot.a lot..and most of the time i overslept. not that the fact i overslept
due to i write too much yet i barely started anything and it already chase away
my mood juz by looking at the words.all worrrrdddzzz typed on the screen of
my 15.4 inches screen dell lappie.argghhh..its been two months now ive been
leading this kind of life and the progress turns out to be neither overwhelming
nor impressive.its totally a waste and i definitely cant afford to waste my time
anymore right now as the submission need to be done on the early of january.
though im such a procrastinator,but this one would be disastrous ever if
getting done by the last minutes.but i juz couldnt help it.
bodo betol,demn,*&^%#$%>>#..

hmm..lets juz hope for the best.i really..i mean really really need to work
smthing out and put like my 271% efforts in it or else ill end up like the
f**king zombie..hair stands straight, red eyeballs about to pop out,
wrinkles and pimples,muntah darah and lotsa worst imaginary things
that i just dont have the nerve to state it here. so, as much as i hate to
prolong this miserable moment of mine, despite whining and complaining,
i must get it done, by hook or by crook. if not it will keep haunting me forever.

u evil maniac..get away from me!!

P/S:im currently under massive stress & depressed also...